Today was decoration at the cemetery my Grandpa (Pappaw) is buried at. Oh how I miss him. It has been 77 days...11 weeks...sometimes I feel like he is so close. Other days I feel like I can barely remember. How I wish I could hear him say as I leave their house " y'all come back now" or how I could just sit near him and hold his hand. The night before Grandpa passed, mom and I each held a hand and just sat by his side. We stayed like that for hours. I miss him. I loved that man so much. I hope he knew that. As I wish and wish for those times to come back; I know he is in a much better place.
The kids are still having a pretty hard time. For now, Cale can still see a picture and point and say Pappaw. Cale--your Grandpa loved you a bunch even though he didn't get much time with you. He loved to hold your hand when you were around and you loved to give him kisses. He loved your smile. On Valentine's Day we were over there and they got you a card that had a puppy dog on it. You were so excited and walked from person to person showing it off and squealing (Grandpa was laughing!) Ellie asks a ton of deep questions..."Where's Grandpa?" "Who put Grandpa's body in the ground?" "That's just Grandpa's body cause he's in heaven" I'm not sure how a 3 year old can process so much. She always wants to know where Grandpa's bed is, when we are over at Grandma's house. He had a hospital bed that was taken back by the company after he passed. Sweet Ellie..I just want you to know how much you were loved by your Grandpa! He and Grandma used to watch you when you were a little bit..you loved to sit in his chair with him and play with his overalls. You were a wild little girl yet always seemed so content in his lap! Cade--you are also my little thinker. You cried so hard after you heard the news that Grandpa has passed away. But, you explained to the other kids that his spirit was in Heaven and that it was just his body left here on earth. You still get really upset about it though and you love to go "visit" Grandpa and leave things at his grave site. Grandpa loved how you were a "working man" and giggled at all the stories of you "fixing' things and working with your Papa. Callie--Grandpa loved you honey. He loved to watch you run and play and was so excited that you were learning to play the piano. He loved your freckles and used to sing a song to you. " She's got freckles on her, b u u u u t she's pretty just the same!" I'll never forget. I can still remember Grandpa holding you when you were a little bitty baby. He loved you sissy. He loved you all, kids. I am so glad he got to meet you all!
Here is the only picture I took today. I really didn't intend to take any, but Cade dug a place to put our flowers that we brought and it just really touched me. After this, he found some tiny purple flowers with yellow centers growing nearby and he picked them and dug a little spot to put them on the grave. He was so proud and Grandpa would have been too. Not just of Cade, of all of you kids. 
Tomorrow is going to be an emotional day..Grandpa's headstone is supposed to be set. I am going to try to make it back over. Try...
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